Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The small & simple things
Today it is the small things am I most grateful for.
It's the small and simple things in life that add up to what truly matters.
...I haven't been super emotional at all during this whole pregnancy thing yet but the last week has definitely took a change and my hormones have gotten the best of me a few times. Like after every time Scott offers a pray up to Heaven I have tears burning down my face and I can't even tell you why. So just be forewarned that this post may get a little long and deep with all my pregnancy induced emotional thoughts but important and true feelings all the same...
"All the windows of my heart I open to the day."
-John Greenleaf Whittier
Lately I have felt so blessed and loved by my Heavenly Father and how even in hard times he show us light and lets us feel his loving arms around us and gives us the comfort that he is doing the same for our loved ones and those we hold dear and are praying so desperately for. This life is not an easy one but we are given life for so many great and beautiful reasons to experience every little good and bad thing we can. All this for our growth and experience, to make us who we are today and given to us for who we will become.
I feel, and have always felt such a huge desire and responsibility to bring children into this world. To help them in experiencing all there is to offer. Even though I know it will be filled with challenges, guiding and leading them in the process will be the most rewarding thing, even it is isn't rewarding in the NOW. I have always wanted to be a mother and now given the opportunity to be one I feel so blessed and at the same time so overwhelmed at this awesome responsibility. It is a great feeling that the Lord is always with me and will never leave me or any of His children in their righteous desires & endeavors.
At 23 weeks I am loving knowing the small hidden treasure within me is a miniature newborn now. He is around 11 inches and 1 pound of sheer divine love and potential!
...When I tell people I am practically 6 months pregnant they look at me with this bewildered but amazed look in their eyes like..."Holy cow women you are really pregnant!" Which makes me feel like a hero or something but really I don't feel super pregnant....When I think of other people who are 6 months pregnant I feel like, "Yes that is pretty pregnant!" So I guess I am pretty pregnant too but on the other hand I get comments like, "Wow you don't look very pregnant. You are so small." To which I say..."What!? Do you see this bump here? It's round and totally sticking out? Can't you see how pregnant I am?" HAHA. K well that is what I am thinking. What I really say is something like," Oh yea I guess I am pretty small. Thanks? No Thanks? You are welcome?" Really it is an awkward thing to say to a pregnant woman but I'll take it. It's funny to get such a range of responses and perceptions of this pregnant belly of mine!
Pregnancy is absolutely amazing to me. The change my body has been through so far to nurture this baby and the way things have really stretched and moved to make room and the way this little ball of perfection has already taken a hold of my heart strings. Some days it really has been an incredible bonding experience to think I have never been alone these past months. I wake up in the morning to his little kicks when Scott is gone at work and even in the dark of the night when I can't sleep his sweet little stretches and movements remind me of his little presence and ever growing mind and body. It reminds me of what a blessing this is in our lives and how in just a few short months we will have a little person we have created together to call our own.
I just love his reassuring, comforting kicks, squirms and stretches. It makes me want to see him in person kicking little newborn kicks. I am always wondering in amazement as to what and who he will most look like. What color eyes he will have or how much hair. I can't wait to hear his cry or smell his baby breath. To see his little feet and little mouth and little ears and little fingers and hands...I know it will just be the best thing I can ever imagine! It is incredible to think that we've been sharing the same skin and my very capable, amazing body has provided him with every nutrient and every breath needed to stay alive and to grow and to become who he is and who he will become.
I am also loving this time I have alone with Scott because I know come June, this time will be gone. So far this being away from everything in Massachusetts thing has really been great for us. For how nervous and stressed out I was about coming here I am so glad to be here with and for my love. The look, hug and kiss I get when he comes "home" from training says, "I am so very happy and relieved to see you!" & that makes it every bit worth it! Really I have been all smiles and felt so cared for and appreciated by Scott who has been working so hard every day! & Going out to dinner with the whole crew, being introduced as Brittany, Scott's wife has made me so proud to be the one standing by his side.
"...Real love, married love, is not what you start with, it's what you create together along the way." - Orson Scott Card
This all is an incredible adventure and one that has only just begun.
What are the small and simple, yet huge and amazing things YOU love about life right now?